Why Drinking and Tattoos don't mix

One of my favorite stories from the past involves a tattooists worst nightmare, a drunk. Back when I worked at a shop in my hometown of Fridley, MN I received a phone call from a man trying to find our shop. He called several times lost, despite the simple directions on how to get there. At one point during these phone conversations he asked "how much for a tattoo?" I did my typical response of "Our shop minimum is $40 and goes up from there" and really over the phone, this is all you can say. The phone rang again and I answered it, it was same guy, this time he was in the parking lot trying to figure out where we were. This is when I had enough and walked to the front door and waved at him and said "Can you see me waving, this is where we are" he replies "OK, I see you" and hangs up. I then sat down behind the counter and waited for him to come inside.
Eventually in walks a man who looks as though he had seen better days, unshaven and rather haggard looking with dirty clothes. He approaches me, staring blankly and says "I'm here for a tattoo..." I replied, looking through the appointment books "Okay, do you have an appointment?" again he stares at me blankly. Confused I looked back at him and realized that this dude just walked in off the street. I said "well that's okay, we have an artist available for a walk in, what did you want to do today?" He stared at me like I was an idiot and says "I want a tattoo". Now, most people upon entering a tattoo shop either A: Know what they want, B: want to get ideas, or C: Want to talk to an artist.
The artists at my shop were a little on the 'rock star attitude' side so I decided to take it upon myself to continue talking to this guy. I asked "Well, okay. You want a tattoo, what kind of tattoo do you want?" He stood there again staring blankly at me, I stared blankly back at him for a few seconds just waiting for drool to come out of his mouth. I continued talking "Well, do you want a skull... or a armband..." he cuts me off "YEAH! I WANT AM ARMBAND!!!" I reply "Okay, now we are getting somewhere". I stood up from behind the counter and walked over to the flash racks where I knew a majority of the armband designs were at. All of a sudden I smell something horrific, it was him. Clearly he had indulged in some heavy drinking of whiskey, for possibly the last few nights. You really can tell if someone had been drinking beer, vodka, gin or whiskey by the aroma that comes off of them, and this dude just fucking reeked!! He began looking at tattoo designs and I approached the available artist at this time. He looked at me and said "What's up?" I replied "I got a guy out here, I'm quite sure he is 3 sheets to the wind, and he wants an armband tattoo. I'm sorry, I don't know what to say to him, it's your call anyway" he replies "Great..." and approaches the customer. At this point I decided to walk back behind the counter and enjoy the show.
The artist and client went back and fourth for a little while and the client decided on a armband of barbed wire (awesome, huh?). They argued about the price after he was told the tattoo design he chose was going to be about $200. He looked at me, pointing and said "She said it would cost $40!!!!!!!!" The artist stood up for me saying "No, what she said is that our shop MINIMUM for a tattoo is $40. That $40 is our minimum set up fee". Needless to say this guy was beginning to get pissed off, and eventually he decided he wanted the $100 version of this tattoo design. The artist, also pissed off, walked back into his room and began redrawing the "$100 version" of this Bad Idea tattoo. Eventually he brought a drawing out for him and asked "How does this look?" not even looking at the design the guy replies "Yeah that is perfect!" At this point I needed him to fill out the typical paperwork that is involved when receiving a tattoo. I asked to see his I.D and he got pissed, talking about how he has never been carded for anything before in his life. Finally he gave me his I.D. and began filling out the proper paperwork... very poorly I might add. Eventually the guy was all ready to go and I could not believe this hungover fuck was about to get a tattoo in his current condition. The artist approached him and said "Okay bro, is this going to be cash or credit?" The man then pulls out a CHECKBOOK!!!! You could just hear the metaphorical car tires screeching in the air when this happened. Now, I don't know of ANY tattoo shops that accept personal checks as a form of payment, in fact there is usually a sign on the door that says "We do NOT accept checks!" though we did not put it passed this guy that he never saw it. I thought for sure all hell was about to break loose. The artist says "Oh hey man, yeah, we don't take checks" the guy replies with "What the FUCK are you talking about?!?!?!" The artist began to back off his attitude a little bit asking if he had a debit card or if there was anyway he could get cash, but today was a Sunday, and we all kinda knew where this was going. He even offered to schedule him an appointment for a later date (mainly when he was sober and had money) The guy began to argue and attempted to barder with the artist saying things like "Man, come on. Come on dude. Dude, Come on. I want to do this today!" but this was getting him nowhere. Eventually there was an explosion of obscenities in the shop as the guy left. Never to be seen again... not that we ever lost any sleep over it.