This guy came into the shop a few days ago with his wife while she was getting a tattoo. They began to chat with me and upon realizing I was the body piercer they asked me a million and one questions about my job. "So do you do any 'down there' piercings?" the woman asks. I reply "Yeah, they come around every so often, but it's few and far between, it's mainly women that get those kind of piercings" she asked a bunch of questions about vertical hood piercings and it's benefits and if was really worth it. Eventually she began digging into her boyfriend about getting 'his junk' done. I could tell right away that a cock piercing was the LAST thing this dude wanted to endure that day, and I laced the conversation with how the piercing is $100 and that the reason it was so expensive was due to the 'handling fee'. They laughed and departed from the shop after the tattoo was finished.
Today the guy came back. Little did I know that the guy was friends with my boss and the 'go to' guy for anything printer or computer related for the shop. I was called to the back office by my boss where they were hanging out. I knew it was coming... "So, the wife won't leave me alone about getting the Prince Albert done, I was wondering if you would be up to doing it tonight?" I laughed and said "Sure, but are YOU up for doing it, you look a little unsure." Him and my boss went back and fourth for a while. My boss was explaining how the piercing procedure was fast, and that it didn't hurt as bad as he thought it was going to. An hour goes by...
It was now 11:30pm and the shop closes at midnight. I decided "fuck this, I'm gonna scare the shit out of this dude" and began to set up for a Prince Albert piercing. I walked into the back room where this dude and my boss were still hanging out. I looked at him, snapped my fingers in a high energy, Fonzie-like attitude and exclaimed "ALL RIGHT!! You ready to do this, bro?!?!" I saw him sink about 5 feet into the couch. He said "Wow. You know I just got really fucking terrified just now. This couch just became my best friend and my savior!" I looked at him and said "Okay dude, well I'm all set up. So whenever you wanna do this just let me know dude!" I snapped my fingers and did a Micheal Jackson spin/turnaround deal and walked out of the room. I could hear my boss dying of laughter, as well as the dude saying "Oh man... am I gonna do this?"
Eventually this poor guy had endured enough reticule from my boss and began to wonder the shop aimlessly with a dead, glazed over look. He then shuffled his way into my piercing room where I was setting up the final touches for the piercing. I asked him if my boss was going to take pictures of what was going down (as they previously joked about) and he told me "NO WAY!" I laughed and then told him to close the door behind him. I'm sure in his head, the sound of the door closing was some kind of epic sound to him much like a sealing of a tomb.
Everything was in place and ready to go, I was maintaining very good conversation with this dude (eye contact!!!). Eventually though, the had to take his pants off. Now I know from experience how fucking difficult it is to drop trou in front of a total stranger you are paying to shove a needle through a sensitive area, and I just knew this guy was going to have a difficult time. He looked at me and said "I have to take my pants ALL the way off?" I looked at him and said "Man, if there was any other way for me to do this that involved the pants staying on, I would do it. Believe me!" He laughed and said "I can't just, pull it out a little?" I felt really bad about laughing at this comment, but every guy I have ever pierced (outside of total perverts) have said the same thing. Finally I got him in the chair, I did what I had to do making the proper markings and began to explain what I was about to do to his manhood and how to breathe. I always find it difficult to hold up a receiving tube roughly the diameter of a pencil and tell a guy "This is going to go into your urethra", it always has the same effect, sheer terror!!
After I explained everything to him, he began to lose color in his face. He explained to me that he felt like he was going to pass out so I pulled off the gloves, pulled the garbage can next to him (in case he puked) and got him a soda. This is where it always becomes complicated. 60% of the time the client begins to have second thoughts, and they always seem to have this inaudible conversation with their penis, almost like they are apologizing to it. For the average man, this can take anywhere from 10-45 minutes. This whole time I am left standing in a tiny room with my back to a half naked man who is 'talking' to his penis trying to psyche himself up. The fact that my boss was standing outside the door screaming "You can do it dude!!!" did not help this specific case. Finally my client laid back into the chair, put his hoodie over his face and gave me (literally) a thumbs up. At this point I was so fucking relieved I managed to do the piercing at record time flawlessly. After all was said and done, he pulled his hoodie off his face, almost mad, saying "That was it?!?!?! Are you fucking serious??? God I'm a fucking pussy!!! Yeah that tube hurt a little but god damn, I thought it was going to be worse than that!!!!" I was just relieved it was all over and I walked away without having to reassure him that it was a 'good size' or any bullshit like that.
In the past I have found myself in situations where the guy is NOT nervous about getting a cock piercing, and this usually will send up a red flag for me. When a guy is not nervous it can mean a number of things, I usually wish this is because they already have a collection of genital piercings but it usually means they are a fucking pervert.
I had a guy come in who wanted his scrotum pierced and specifically requested me to do it. I thought optimistically that it was because I was new to the area and he wanted to check out the new piercer or simply felt more at ease with a female piercer, but this was not the scenario that transpired. He decided he wanted 2 piercings in his nut sack, and so I got everything ready. By the time I called him back to the piercing room he had already began to take his pants off, I thought this was strange, but I am also naive at this point. He sat down in the chair and said "Okay sweetheart, do what you gotta do!"
I cleaned the area and made the markings and had him approve the piercing locations. The piercing procedure itself went just fine, and when all was done I was feeling real good about getting over the phobia of piercing genitalia. I told the client "Okay man, you are all done, you did great" he looked at me and said "Yes, and so did you" he then pulled out a $20 bill and waived it in my face and said "Happy ending?" I looked at him and said loudly "Are you fucking kidding me???" he looked at me and said "Come on, just for a minute" and began stroking it, right in front of me. At this point I have completely shit a brick and could not believe this was happening, I yelled "Fuck you asshole, get the fuck out of here!" My co-worker immediately came running into the room and saw the situation unfolding and yelled "What the fuck is going on here?!?" I yelled back, quite upset "He's a fucking sick pervert, get him the fuck out of here now!!!" He was then grabbed by his neck and drug out into the lobby with his pants still around his ankles. At this point I was in the other room, understandably quite upset, I heard them scuffling and yelling at each other, in the end heard the guy confess to what he had done. I heard my co-worker yell for me to come into the lobby, and quite embarrassed, did so. My co-worker grabbed this man by the neck and forced this head down onto the counter as he yelled to him "You apologize to this woman, right fucking now!!!" he man screamed in pain "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!! I will never do it again!!" My co-worker exclaimed "You are NEVER allowed in here again, do you understand??? How much does this guy owe you anyway???" I reply "$80" he responded with "Well it just got doubled, you play the lady!!" The man was pretty roughed up at this point, and without making eye contact handed me $160. He was then, literally, thrown out of the front door.
Come to think of it, the only other time I had a similar situation involved piercing a scrotum as well. Of course it was not taken to such a crazy level, but it was still a little unsettling. He was just a sexual deviant swinger that asked me to go out with him and his 2 girlfriends to join them in some kind of crazy group sex orgy. At the risk of sounding like a prude, there was absolutely NO way I was going to do this. I'd just broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years and was not about to go on some slut fest with complete strangers (that were my parents age) to make myself feel better. Also, I am quite monogamous.
The best part about this specific encounter was the fact that I got to use a 6 Gauge needle on the dude. Now, I don't care how hard you think you are, 6 Gauge is fucking huge and it hurts (yes, I speak from firsthand experience. My 6G navel piercing HURT!!)!! The gauge is a little bit smaller than the diameter of a drinking straw. The fact that I got to shove it through the nut sack of a guy I already did not like, was just icing on the cake.
And you think your job sucks!?!?!
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