Natural Selection SHOULD exist somewhere.

So it has been a while since my last post (again). Let's bring you up to speed... I moved back to Minnesota from New York and I am now working at the tattoo shop I got my apprenticeship at one day a week. I'm still working retail. In fact I was just promoted, so I went from a super ghetto store to a rich suburban location where nobody knows how to drive, woohoo!

Anyway, I was at the shop a few weeks ago when I received a phone call. A man claiming that a tongue piercing he received about a week ago at our sister shop had suddenly swollen up to the point where the jewelry had become fully embedded into his tongue. I thought this was pretty strange considering that tongue piercings a week old typically don't do this. I also thought it was strange that someone with a fully embedded 3/4" length barbell embedded in their tongue could speak so clearly and legibly on the phone.
The man on the phone was extremely panicked and concerned, so I advised him to take some anti-inflammatory medicine and come see me as soon as possible. I assured him that I would be able to identify the problem and would do what I could for him. In my mind I thought this whole thing was a little off, but he was absolutely positive that the barbell was in fact embedded in his tongue, "I can feel it in there, I KNOW it's in there. I'm POSITIVE!" He told me he would be coming in very soon and hung up, so I sat and waited. A few minutes after getting off the phone with him, the shop owner called. He was basically repeating everything I had just heard, in addition to saying a few choice words about the piercer at the sister shop a half hour away (the words "drunk moron" came up a lot). I basically had to repeat myself to my boss, assuring him that I am going to do everything in my power to fix it and make sure he leaves happy. After all, bad reviews travel much faster than good ones.

The whole day went by. After doing a few piercings, eating lunch, talking to co-workers I had totally forgotten about the man with the embedded tongue piercing. I looked at the clock and saw it was about an hour until we closed and suddenly it dawned on me that this guy never came in. Strange as it is I actually go worried. I looked at my shop manager and said "I wonder if that tongue piercing guy is ever going to come. I hope he's okay". A few moments later the shop owner called the shop manager. They were on the phone for a while and she was laughing her ass off as she hung up the phone as she called me over to talk to her.

Apparently this guy called our sister shop in a panic, resulting in the chaotic phone call to our shop (which was closer to him). Apparently this guy decided to listen to his friends instead of simply driving the 5 minutes to the shop. Instead of checking in with a body piercer (free of charge), this guy decided to go ahead and take himself to the emergency room for X-rays (very costly). After going to the hospital, waiting for his turn, having a nurse feel up his tongue, followed by X-rays... the guy finally got his answer. The barbell fell out in his sleep. No embedded barbell. No infection. Nothing. He was fine. I could have told him that for free.

What made me laugh the most was that this guy actually called the shop owner to tell him all of this. You think that after all that chaos you would be so embarrassed that you wouldn't want to show your face in public... not this guy. He was a super moron. Still, I was happy I didn't have to cut out an embedded piercing, but I wish I could have seen the look on this guys face after the 'experts' told him there was nothing there.